Appearing
by unique.normality
Summary: Remus thought he knew pain. But no matter how much he anticipated what happened, he couldn't expect the pain he endured as it happened. Remus crossing over


Green light amid the fireworks of spells.

Then white.

Remus opened his eyes, blinking them a few times as he stood in what seemed to be just space. He wracked his brain to remember as he looked around and saw nothing. His body felt younger. He looked at his hands and saw no scars. He did not feel sore or old or just tired. Even amid the adrenaline of war, there was still the crick in his neck that signified his age.

War.

Remus stopped, suddenly realizing what had happened. Pure anger shot through him as he spun around, slamming his fist into the wall that had not been there before; a wall that disappeared right after. His fist stung for what seemed like a lifetime but then faded.

He had died.

His head fell to his hands as he realized he had just lost everything he had worked for. That he had been taken away from the one thing that made his life worth living, the one thing he had thought he'd never have. He had been taken from his family. He had thought he knew pain. Losing his best friends in such short periods of time, so suddenly, and the feeling of being alone was pain. Pain most did not know. But being taken from his wife. From his son. Leaving his son without a father. He knew what he was getting into but the fact it happened was not the same as the anticipation of it might happening.

The brown-haired man stood there, not noticing his body was shaking. He was not crying, not knowing how to really respond since there as no action to make. He then felt a soft touch to his shoulder, a small hand rest on his back. Remus turned around and, for a split second, thought as a living man might think. He saw the red and his mind went to Ginny Weasley. But then his eyes fell to the familiar eyes, ones he had not seen in a long time, not on this face. Remus looked at her, not saying a world as he broke down into her embrace

Lily closed her green eyes as she wrapped her arms around the man, holding him close as he cried. Holding his head to her shoulder. Tears fell down her pale face, knowing exactly how he felt. Hating she knew his same emotions, hating he was here. She knew him seeing his friends was wonderful but he did not belong here. In time he would, but at this exact moment, as tears fell, he did not.

For a long time, Remus would have been fine being here. With those who cared. But, so quickly, he became connected down there. He had built ties to that world. Now, he silently cried into his old friend's shoulder, not making a sound like he had long, long ago taught himself to. He only looked up after such a long time when he felt another hand on his shoulder, a stronger hand, gripping it in a knowing manner.

He looked up, his voice hoarse as he finally spoke.

"This sucks," he said bluntly, his mind not able to decipher anything else.

"I know it does, mate," James whispered, pulling him into a firm hug.

James knew how his friend was feeling. Such a deserving man, getting what he forever should have, but having it taken away. James knew how it felt to be here when every fiber in your being was begging you to go back to your son.

"Better to have had and lost, eh, Moony?" Sirius said as he took a step to his friend, his eyes grave.

Remus snorted dryly. His body was that of a much younger man but the pain in his eyes was worth hundreds of years. He just shook his head as he hugged Padfoot, his mind almost blank.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Lily whispered, her voice soothing as she put a hand on his arm as the man stood before them. She was happy to see him, it being too long since she had been in the presence of the werewolf she had always gotten along with, even before she warmed up to James.

Remus closed his eyes, not even bothering to wipe off the few tears off his face. He ran a hand through his brown hair, feeling helpless and pointless, not knowing what to do.

"It gets easier," James said, knowledge in his voice. "Over time. Harry will do this and he'll fulfill his role. He'll help-"

James stopped, looking behind Remus. Remus saw Sirius and Lily do the same. His heart stopped as he turned.

"Dora... no," Remus breathed as his wife stood there, looking confused as he had been.

Tonks stood, her eyes searching Remus' before they fell to Sirius behind her. She shook her head, almost hoping the action would reverse this, make it untrue. She barely registered how much younger her husband looked, only a few streaks of gray in his hair, before she stepped to him.

"I promised him I would come back to him," she choked out before burying her face against his chest, his arms going tightly around her like she needed them to.

Remus closed his eyes tightly as he put his face against Tonks' hair, gripping her to him as she cried. His own tears began to fall as his heart broke. He had hoped Tonks would be there for their son, would live and raise him. He hoped his child would at least have one parent, if he could not have his father. But now he had neither.

Tonks just gripped Remus' shirt, her tears pouring out without her intent. She couldn't stop. She hated Remus for dying, she hated herself for dying. She hated her son would be left alone, without parents, without a grandfather. Only her mother. She hated her mother would have no one. She hated the person that caused this all. Pure loathing and nothing more. But her tears were not caused by hate. Pain mixed in with the hatred like cotton candy swirls. But there was nothing sugary about this. Nothing bright and cheery about the woman who had just left her baby in such a hate-filled world.

"I promised I wouldn't. I promised I wouldn't do this. You promised," Tonks gasped, barely getting a breath as she cried around him, his hand almost gripping the back of her robes as he held her to him.

"I know," Remus whispered into her hair, his voice raspy. He could barely pinpoint what he was feeling as he held his wife. He did not have the energy to figure out what emotion was what. He then whispered, "He'll do this. Harry can do this. Then he'll be the godfather we know he'll be. He... he knows... Knows how he'll feel..."

Remus barely knew where these facts were coming from but he only hoped they made her feel better. He suddenly just wanted his love to calm down. He did not want to cause her pain anymore. No longer.

After a while, he did not know how long, not sure if time even existed, he slowly pulled back. He placed a kiss at her temple, his thumb going up to wipe away a few tears from her cheek gently.

"I promised I wouldn't leave again. Please forgive me," Remus whispered into her ear, feeling her hand grip his shirt once more.

"That's all we can do," Tonks whispered, taking a shaky breath. She tilted her head, looking for a kiss. Looking for an act to make her feel alive again. And Remus obliged. He kissed her slowly but not for long enough. He suddenly remembered and pulled back again.

"I'd like for you to meet a few people, love," Remus whispered, kissing her forehead before looking down at her. Her bright eyes wet and filled with pain. But they were looking into his.

He glanced behind him and barely saw the trio appear once more, not sparing the wonder as to the logistics of wherever he ended up. Remus looked at James and Lily, knowing they knew this as well. He took a breath, his hand slipping easily around Tonks', and gently tugged her to where his old family was.

He was not surprised as her hand slipped from his, her eyes landing on Sirius once more. Sirius gave her a smile, their eyes the same color for once. She stepped to him, hugging her cousin. The last Remus had seen him, he had been himself. He was not as lively as the Sirius he knew before Azkaban, before he was caged, but he was Sirius. Death seemed to somber him. Or maybe it was just these deaths. Remus guessed it was a bit different for newcomers.

"These are Harry's parents," Remus said once Tonks stepped back to him, his hand on the small of her back. "Lily and James. Prongs, Lils... this is my wife."

He couldn't help the proud look that enveloped his face for a few moments. Wherever he was, no matter what, his heart skipped a beat whenever Tonks looked up at him with a small smile like that. He never got much of a chance to introduce Tonks as his wife, their life not being as normal and definitely not as social. He felt guilty for being a bit happy as he introduced her to his best friends. He felt a bit guilty for the slight thrill that ran though him as she blushed ever so lightly, his eyes shooting to Sirius, almost daring him to do more than smirk.

Lily smiled at the woman, hating someone so full of life had to go through this. The exact feeling she felt as she held her husband so long ago when they were in this position. She stepped forward, hugging Tonks tightly, knowing they would be spending a lot of time together from now on.

"It gets better, I promise. Easier," Lily whispered to her, feeling her take a shuddering breath at her words. "My boy will do what he needs to. Both now and in the future."

Tonks looked at Lily when she pulled back, seeing experience when she looked at her even though Tonks was technically older than she. She took another breath before saying, "I trust him."

Her eyes then fell on James and she saw the exact boy they were speaking of. Harry could be his twin despite the eyes. The man smiled at her, a mischievous glint in it that she had seen on both Remus and Sirius before.

"A Marauder's wife and a Black," James said, covering up the sadness in his eyes as he smiled and gave her a hug as well. "What a choice, Moony."

"And this bloke didn't believe me when I said you should go after her," Sirius sighed, shaking his head, some of his dark locks falling in his eyes. He swept them back with talent.

"You didn't say it that kindly, actually," Remus said, almost automatically pulling Tonks back to him, her back against his chest as he held her. Almost protectively, no matter how pointless that was. "Your exact choice of words were rather crude. I should've hit you."

Tonks smiled lightly at how her husband was with his friends, how at ease. How easily Remus smiled against her hair as Sirius rolled his eyes almost playfully. She liked that he had them back again, despite the circumstances. She liked he did not have to be lonely anymore, a wife not quite filling the role of best mates. She, oddly, felt like she belonged with them, or would soon. And she liked that as well.

The whole mood was pained even if there were a few smiles here or there. Remus kissed Tonks' head, taking a breath, taking in her smell. He wished it had not happened this way. He wished so many things. But no amount of hoping or willing could change anything.

"Do we just watch?" Remus asked, his forehead against the back of Tonks' head but he was speaking to the others. He hoped they could watch. He did not just want to be blind.

"Yes," Lily answered. She made like she was going to continue but stopped, her attention on something else. Remus looked up then looked to their right. A door.

"It's time," Remus heard James say, his eyes on what had just appeared.

"Come on, mate," Sirius said, tapping Remus' arm with his hand.

Remus looked at his friends then down at his wife.

"I'll be right back," Remus whispered, knowing it was a promise he could keep. "We're just going to help." He knew, somehow.

Tonks nodded, kissing him softly. "Teddy will be fine," she whispered to him, to herself, to whatever fate was listening.

She took a breath, watching Remus and his friends go to the door, wondering who else she would meet up here.

Tonks turned when she felt, not heard, footsteps. She saw her father walking to her, a sad smile on his face as she bit her cheek. Tears welled again.

"Well, Dora. Welcome to your new home," Ted said, his arms going around his little girl as she hugged him as hard as she did at five when he would come home from work.

"This sucks, Daddy," the grown woman whispered into his shirt.

"That it does," Ted sighed, kissing her head, hating this for her.

Hating the way the world worked.

Hating whoever decided this.

Hating feeling helpless.

Hating but still just hugging. Comforting. Reacting to the happenings. Taking what was given and trying to slowly mend it as best he could.

Just like everyone else has done, is doing, and will be doing in time.


End file.
